I Never Got An Engagement Ring

I feel silly. I love my husband. He was engaged before me and said the woman bought herself an engagement ring and made him pay for it.

I guess I could not wait to be his wife. I always had a better job than him and more money. I guess since I asked him to marry me I don’t deserve an engagement ring right?

I just always wanted one I guess and I don’t know anyone married who does not have one. I guess what makes me upset is that he has never bought me anything. He has bought himself thousands in tattoos, 2k boat, 5k motorcycle. Now we have a house and mortgage and two kids.

He did ask me once if I wanted him to buy me a ring but I said no. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings but if we did buy one it is basically my money and we have a mortgage so spending money we didn’t need would cost us more interest. I still feel like he bought someone else a ring and not me and it just makes me sad sometimes but I need to just get over it right?

Comment From The Experts Team

First things first… Whether he asked you or you asked him to marry has no bearing on whether or not you deserve an engagement ring. When it comes to a union between two people an engagement ring is merely a symbol and not something that is deserved or otherwise warranted.

A piece of string, a plastic ring from a gumball machine or the Hope Diamond they are all merely token symbols of the love you share. They aren’t the marriage.

Having said that, if you really want one (for yourself) and not because it’s the normal thing to have, then you should tell him so.

You said, he asked you if you wanted one and you said no. If you really do then you should let him know. He can’t help make things right if he doesn’t know anything is wrong, especially when you’ve discussed it and you told him all was fine.

If you feel any resentment over his purchases for himself then you owe it to yourself, to him, and to your marriage to tell him that you feel sorry that he hasn’t ever bought you anything. Just discussing it with him, regardless of whether you get an engagement ring or not in the end, will make much of your sadness disappear.

The reality is that a roof over your head and kids are much more important than a ring. If your marriage is a good one and you love each other does anything else really matter?

A very wise website visitor once wrote to us saying that her fiance wanted to buy her an extravagant ring that he couldn’t afford and she said no. She went on to explain that since they were getting married that his debt would be her debt and being in debt over a ring was no way to start a life together.

They settled on a ring for around $100. She cherishes that inexpensive ring because it truly represents their love and that they are in this life together.

So in answer to your question “…I need to just get over it right?” Yes, you do. But, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a ring. It simply means you need to figure out what you really want, talk to him about it, and decide together on what to do about it.

You deserve to be happy so whatever makes you happy in the end is all that matters…and I’m sure your husband would agree.

Best of luck to you and your family!

Update From Original Writer

After reading this response many times and never doing anything about it, I finally got up the courage to tell him I always wanted a diamond ring since I was a little kid and I never thought I wouldn’t have one.

I told him I always wanted one and do still…..but the reason I feel I can’t have one is because he spends all the extra money we have on his wants while I have nothing and spend no money on me.

I make twice what he makes. I don’t care how much you make….I care what you spend and feel a person should live below their means not above it, for financial security for the family.

I told him in April 2016. Since then……he spent $1000 on two guns (one behind my back where he sold some things he has and and took some money he claimed he needed for hair cuts and emergency money) and he also bought a $29000 truck.

He brings home 26k a year and while I bring in twice as much I got a brand new 15k car. I was very hurt……he could have bought me a ring but instead continues to buy himself things and live above his means not contributing his fair share to family expenses. I think I know now that in his mind no one is more important than him having stuff.

He also could have sold his old car but gave it to his parents.

His grandma just died who lives far away and we could not go to the funeral. He was not close to her and she never got us a wedding gift or ever sent a Christmas card or called him. She had 10k in funeral insurance and somehow they spent 23k so now his mom is asking us for money.

Did I mention we loaned them 5k (they said they would pay us back and never did) and it’s been many years and they are asking for more money now. He wants to help his mom pay for funeral of his dead grandma but has never tried to pay off his own debts or his half of the home finances. We have not even paid off the house so the way I see it we don’t have a penny to give to his mom.