Run. Far and fast.
I’m almost 6 years into the “fake ring” situation, though I found out differently. My ring isn’t even a proper CZ. It’s a cheap, imitation 2+ carat monster that he purchased from a catalog which I learned when the newest edition showed up in our mail. My ring was on the cover, sold as a set along with the “diamond” earrings he gave me for Christmas. All for around $400.
I felt like I had been punched in the gut, but didn’t say anything at first. I kept quiet for weeks. Mulling things over in my head, but eventually I could no longer hide my feelings or that I knew the truth.
I, too, felt devalued. Like he felt I wasn’t worth what a real ring would have cost. (…and let me set the record straight- I didn’t want or expect a huge ring – that was HIS idea. I have tiny hands and big jewelry looks downright gaudy on me. I would have been pleased and happy with a modest ring.)
Anyway, I spilled the beans, in tears, one evening and have to be honest that I was not only hurt, but shocked by his reaction.
HE was angry… at ME. Wow!
I was not expecting that one. He basically made me feel like I should be ashamed for even wanting a real diamond “because of the corruption and violence involved in the diamond trade” and that he couldn’t possibly afford a ring like that. Did I realize it would have cost upwards of 10k? (My apologies. I didn’t realize that I was not worthy of that sum, and yes, I am college educated and was not raised in a barn. I know what things cost.)
He continued to manipulate me. Making me feel bad for “hurting his feelings and making him feel like his ring wasn’t good enough.” This was a few months after he purchased a new BMW for himself.
I talked to my friends, weighed my options and made the decision to stay. There were other factors at play (we had been living together for years prior to getting engaged and there were children involved).
I loved him, thought that he loved me, and rationalized that, for the most part, he was loving and otherwise a good provider. I realize that nobody is perfect -including myself, and thought that I could love him in spite of his flaws. We talked and worked on “us” and things were pretty stable again. So I thought.
I have lived to regret it. After our wedding, he pretty quickly became distant, cold, mean and deceptive. I have caught him in many lies and no longer trust a word that crosses his lips. I can’t believe that this is the same man that I had been with for so long. How could I have been so deceived??
He now comes home and before he even puts his stuff down, starts barking orders and finding fault with everybody. Nitpicking and nagging me and the kids about every little thing -and I’m not talking about big stuff here. It’s “who left the cabinet door open?” or “who left a glass on the table?” “Why is the garbage not taken out yet?” “Who left a dirty dish in the sink?” (while the kids are still doing their homework).
I mean, really… who. are. you. and. what. did. you. do. with. my. husband???
Now I wonder if he ever really loved me at all or if I was a convenient second income. Btw- guess who’s making the payments on that BMW now (and the mortgage and the… etc)? Hint: It ain’t him.
I’m at the end of my rope and about ready to tell him to take his big, fake ring and stick it where the sun don’t shine.
Oh, speaking of things that don’t shine, “the ring” is now so tarnished and obviously fake. I’m embarrassed to wear it. I wear instead a plain, white gold band that I went personally to the jewelry store, picked out, and stood waiting while he purchased it. Fool me once… ;)
Run, honey. Don’t marry a man who doesn’t have the cahones to be honest with you about what he has to offer and who he is. Find someone who is man enough to say “this is all I have, but it’s yours if you will love me.” Find a man who will tell you the truth, even when it’s hard to say.
I know from personal experience – It’s better to be alone than stuck with a liar.