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My Ring's A Fake!

by Jan
(Baltimore)

My fiance gave me a really beautiful ring, and I'd been wearing it for about 6 months and I was washing my car with it on and I dropped it in the bucket - I got really scared that I had lost it and started freaking out, thinking what would happen if I lost it.

I knew I'd want to replace it somehow which made me think about having it insured. So I took the ring to have it appraised (I swear I wasn't trying to find the value) and they told me it was cubic zirconia.

At first I was really angry, thinking how could he fool me? But maybe this is what he could afford or maybe HE got fooled.

My girlfriends are divided - some say that I should tell him and break up, some say that it is just a symbol and I need to relax and love it like it was real.

I don't have any interest in selling it and would like to pass it on to my children one day and they might want it too.

I don't know, I am just feeling uneasy about him not being comfortable enough to tell me the truth.

Any advice?

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Who cares?
by: Anonymous

Years and years ago, I saw a 20/20 report on diamonds and I have not felt the same about them since.

DeBeers held a monopoly on diamonds for decades and purposefully controlled the market for diamonds by only releasing a fraction of what they had, making diamonds appear to be "rare."

DeBeers has warehouses filled with diamonds. And when I say warehouses, I mean huge complexes holding nothing but diamonds.

Also during the report, they took a high quality CZ and a perfect diamond to several jewelers for evaluation. None could tell the difference between the CZ and diamond without their loop and careful examination. One jeweler said even with the loop the only way he could tell the real diamond was because of the engraved serial number which the CZ did not have.

Enjoy your sparkle, because unless it's a 10 carat flawless diamond, you're just buying into marketing.

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Gumball machine ring
by: Anonymous

My husband didn't have a ring when he asked me to marry him. It was the day after our son was born and he wrote "mommy marry my daddy plz" in a white onesie. His mother gave him her wedding band to give to me. He's gone through a pretty ugly divorce with his materialistic ex and hasn't been rolling in money since we got together. But let me tell you, I have no ring, I had no formal wedding (went to the court house) but everyday with him I am laughing and enjoy the little things. I too came out of a bad relationship where my ex gave me a big deal diamond (I know cuz I picked it out). If your marrying for materialism, value that ring, the perfect wedding but you'll be divorced one day. Life sucks, you have to find the one you'd take a gumball machine ring from. Life is going to throw a thousand curve balls and not be sunshine and roses. Everyone heard it but the absolute worst could happen at any time in a marriage. If you have love, you have more than most.

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Unsure of my ring
by: Anonymous

I googled this topic because my husband gave me this beautiful ring, I mean he though about it carefully, picked out the perfect ring for my hand, and he is a sweetheart.

But this ring is way to expensive for him to afford. I asked him was it a CZ he said no, and was very proud and wanted to know everyone's reaction to it. I am not sure if it is real, but it makes no difference to me if it is not, it is beautiful, I just wish he would be honest about it.

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Run. Far and fast.
by: Anonymous

I'm almost 6 years into the "fake ring" situation, though I found out differently. My ring isn't even a proper CZ - it's a cheap, imitation 2+ carat monster that he purchased from a catalog, which I learned when the newest edition showed up in our mail - with my ring on the cover, sold as a set along with the "diamond" earrings he gave me for Christmas - all for around $400.

I felt like I had been punched in the gut, but didn't say anything at first. I kept quiet for weeks, mulling things over in my head, but eventually I could no longer hide my feelings or that I knew the truth.

I, too, felt devalued, like he felt I wasn't worth what a real ring would have cost. (...and let me set the record straight- I didn't want or expect a huge ring - that was HIS idea. I have tiny hands and big jewelry looks downright gaudy on me, so I would have been pleased and happy with a modest ring.) Anyway, I spilled the beans, in tears, one evening and have to be honest that I was not only hurt, but shocked by his reaction.

HE was angry... at ME. Wow!

I was not expecting that one. He basically made me feel like I should be ashamed for even wanting a real diamond "because of the corruption and violence involved in the diamond trade" and that he couldn't possibly afford a ring like that, did I realize it would have cost upwards of 10k? (My apologies. I didn't realize that I was not worthy of that sum, and yes, I am college educated and was not raised in a barn - I know what things cost.)

He continued to manipulate me, making me feel bad for "hurting his feelings and making him feel like his ring wasn't good enough." This was a few months after he purchased a new BMW for himself.

I talked to my friends, weighed my options and made the decision to stay, as there were other factors at play (we had been living together for years prior to getting engaged and there were children involved). I loved him, thought that he loved me, and rationalized that, for the most part, he was loving and otherwise a good provider. I realize that nobody is perfect -including myself, and thought that I could love him in spite of his flaws. We talked and worked on "us" and things were pretty stable again - I thought.

I have lived to regret it. After our wedding, he pretty quickly became distant, cold, mean and deceptive. I have caught him in many lies and no longer trust a word that crosses his lips and I can't believe that this is the same man that I had been with for so long. How could I have been so deceived??

He now comes home and before he even puts his stuff down, starts barking orders and finding fault with everybody, nitpicking and nagging me and the kids about every little thing -and I'm not talking about big stuff here - it's "who left the cabinet door open?" or "who left a glass on the table?" "Why is the garbage not taken out yet?" "Who left a dirty dish in the sink?" (while the kids are still doing their homework). I mean, really... who. are. you. and. what. did. you. do. with. my. husband??? Now I wonder if he ever really loved me at all or if I was a convenient second income. Btw- guess who's making the payments on that BMW now (and the mortgage and the…etc)? Hint: It ain't him.

I'm at the end of my rope and about ready to tell him to take his big, fake ring and stick it where the sun don't shine.

Oh, speaking of things that don't shine, "the ring" is now so tarnished and obviously fake, I'm embarrassed to wear it. I wear instead a plain, white gold band that I went personally to the jewelry store, picked out, and stood waiting while he purchased it. Fool me once... ;)

Run, honey. Don't marry a man who doesn't have the cahones to be honest with you about what he has to offer and who he is. Find someone who is man enough to say "this is all I have, but it's yours if you will love me." Find a man who will tell you the truth, even when it's hard to say.

I know from personal experience - It's better to be alone than stuck with a liar.

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Is the love real
by: Anonymous

The first ring I put on my wife's finger was a quite beautiful 1 carrot princess CZ ring, 20 years and 4 children ago. She never asked and I never eluded that the stone wasn't a real diamond. At our 10 year anniversary timeframe we were both out ring shopping for her and came across a fancy 2 carrot princess cut ring in a display. When she asked to view it, the sales person told her up front that it was "man made". My lovely wife's response was "so is mine, and it has been with us from the start".
I resent the money spent to love ratio comments and the dump him because it isn't real BS...the ring is a circle for a reason; talk about it and get thru it. It isn't love if the ring changes it.

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Fake ring
by: Anonymous

You should not be upset that your ring is a cubic zirconia. CZ rings are very beautiful and look just like real diamonds without the price tag. You also know that you do not have to worry about them being conflict diamonds either. I would prefer a cubic zirconia myself. However you maybe should let him know that you know about your ring being a cz. If the fact that he did not tell you bothers you then you should have a conversation and make it clear that you would like to know things like that. However, I think that most men would not expect for their fiance to have their engagement rings appraised. Therefore, thinking you would not know. So in the near future just have a conversation about it.

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Ouch
by: TheHeartBandits

Wow, that really does suck. But I definitely don't think it is a deal breaker. What you really need to do is sit down and talk to him calmly, without emotion. Try to find out what the situation was. Maybe he was lied to, maybe he did lie to you, maybe he was just embarrassed because it is all he could afford. If he has a history of lying then that might be a reason to call it off. But find out the reasoning and if it was dishonesty explain to him that you need complete honesty in your relationship and then move on! www.theheartbandits.com

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Take a Hint - NOW
by: Devalued Wife

Hi,

He didn't know? REALLY? Trust me honey, men get kicks on the game they play with us women on them playing dumb regarding a myriad of things. Of course he's going to tell you he didn't know - but is it the truth? HIGHLY unlikely.

Any man that is getting married is going to research like crazy before plunking down his stockpile of money on a diamond. After he's gone through the arduous task of figuring out that YOU are THE ONE - he's going to go for it to keep you. He doesn't want another man to figure out and try to TAKE that jewel that he's found in you. So IF he doesn't do that, thinks of himself and his wallet, and gets you a FAKE ring? Guess what? HE'S NOT the one.

He either doesn't respect and love you enough to spring for the real one, OR he isn't convinced that you are the one and is trying to hold back his money in case it doesn't work out.

As I read your story, I kept looking down at the 2 1/2 carat FAKE ring that I have on now. It was given to me last year by my Husband of 10 years. At first I was overwhelmingly impressed, and thought that he must have saved alot to get me this as a milestone present for our anniversary.

However, after a few days, he revealed to me that the ring is actually a CZ. I really felt devalued by the whole thing. I would rather have not had any ring if he was going to go out and get a fake one. It is symbolic of how he feels about our marriage as a whole. Combined with other behaviors that have been exhibited over the past 10 years, I have realized that HE isn't the one. Getting out of this so I can find that man that feels that I am worth it.

Please take it from me - do not go down this road with someone that is not willing to save his money and get you the REAL thing. Because trust me, YOU ARE worth it. Save yourself for someone that not only sees that, but also SHOWS you that through his actions.

Best wishes to you for the future,

Devalued Wife

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Break it off
by: Allyson

I read this post a week ago, and was talking about it with my husband. I hadn't thought about it much, but my husband brought it up again last night. He said, you know that ring the girl found out was fake? I said yes. He said she has to break it off with the guy NOW - he totally took a stand. His reasoning is that the guy had to know, and if he didn't, then he's a fool and she deserves someone better. Plus, he was wondering why she was washing her own car in the first place, lol.

Im like that other girl that wrote in, I want to hear the end of this story! Tell us what happens!

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Keeping it Real
by: Beth

Wow, this happened to my sister! She had no idea, and got a divorce, and went to sell her ring, and it was a fake. She lumped it in with the rest of the whole marriage, as a failure.

I have to urge you to talk to your fiance. Ignorance may be bliss, but knowledge is power, and this power is going to keep you up at night guessing if he knew or not.

I agree - you can't start off a marriage with this between you. If he knew, then that's a different discussion. If he didn't know - you have a lawsuit, etc against the seller.

Btw, I've heard of people taking their rings to be cleaned, or polished by a jeweler they didn't know, and that jeweler switched the real diamonds in their rings for fakes.

I urge you again to have that talk, and I hope to read back on here a report from you on how it turns out!

Good luck and God bless.

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It's Only a Fake If.......
by: The Engagement Experts Team

We have a lot to say about this Jan. This type of situation doesn't happen often but it does happen.

The first thing you need to consider before you start speculating is whether or not your fiance got taken for a ride or if he knew what he was buying.

If he did think he was buying a diamond and it turned out not to be then it's important that you tell him what you know.

On the other hand, if he did know that he was buying a cubic zirconia, it's important that you talk with him and....tell him that you know.

Either way (and we can't stress this enough) you need to talk to him about the ring.

The ring is only a fake if the former is true. If he knew what he was buying, your ring is real! It's just not a real diamond ring, it's a real CZ ring.

The irony is that you are feeling 'uneasy' about the fact that he didn't talk to you about it, yet you are doing the exact same thing. You're not talking to him about the fact that you went and got the ring appraised and were shocked to find out that it wasn't what you thought it was.

We're glad to hear that you love the ring and don't want to get rid of it but the more important lesson to be learned here is that you two need to talk to each other and be open (about the good and the bad)if you want your relationship to work.

There's nothing wrong with a CZ engagement ring. In fact some are exquisite and well known jewelry designers like Tacori and Birkat Elyon offer incredibly beautiful CZ rings--and trust us, they aren't cheap.

The most important thing in all of this is to find out whether he was trying to pass off what he knew wasn't a diamond as a diamond ring. Did he ever say "what a great diamond" or somehow infer that it was a diamond?

If he did, you need to find out why and seriously consider whether this is the best relationship for you. If he was trying to make you believe something was true when it wasn't then you should have some serious concerns about your life together.

On the other hand, if he didn't know or knew and never pretended that it was a diamond and you just assumed it was, then you'll have much less to worry about.

However, we're still concerned by the fact that you said "...maybe this is what he could afford" and that you aren't aware of his financial situation or that you two haven't talked about money.

Suzie Orman stresses the importance of having a frank discussion about money and finances prior to getting married and we couldn't agree more. You two obviously haven't done that so in our opinion that discussion should follow (or be a part of) the one about the ring.

The blessing in all of this is that this whole episode will help you grow and become closer as a couple or perhaps show that you aren't the best match sooner rather than later. Our gut tells us that you two will be just fine... :-)






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