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I'm Unsure About My Engagement Ring!

by On The Fence
(United Kingdom)

I'm sorry if this sounds really petty and silly but I would really like some advice please! I'm not sure if I should be feeling like this. Sorry if this is so long!

My Boyfriend and I have been engaged for about 4 months. We have been together for over 6 years.

He proposed (not on one knee) with an inexpensive costume jewellery ring that wasn't the 'real' thing so I could choose one myself. I love it and will treasure it forever.

I was so excited about ring shopping together as I'd always dreamed about that special moment.

We had a set budget in mind, but when we went out and actually had a look we found that there wasn't really anything that sprung out at me, and the pieces that did were extremely expensive.

In the first place I didn't want anything expensive, but my Boyfriend said I was silly and had to find something special. I'm pretty fussy so knew it wasn't going to be an easy task.

I was eager to find my perfect ring and we spent weeks looking, but not finding anything. We both felt disheartened, and my other half is very impatient and wanted me to be wearing 'the real thing.'

I love simple, classic pieces, and one jeweller was really helpful and showed us some nice ones, but it was only the start and I wanted to carry on looking as it was only the start of our search.

One day we went shopping again and looked in our local jewellers. There was one ring that stood out for me, a simple solitaire in silver metal, just the sort of look I was after. The jewellers were pleasant, although I felt quite uncomfortable when we were in there. I was feeling a little unwell that day, too, not in the best moods to be shopping for such a special piece of jewellery!

I tried the ring on and it was the first one I'd taken a shine to. My Boyfriend pointed this out and asked if I wanted it.

The jeweller was saying things and my Boyfriend was about ready to make the sale! Everyone was staring and I started feeling really uncomfortable.

I liked it but something inside me wanted to carry on looking, just in case there was something else I liked more. From being really confident and knowing what I wanted, I started to feel unsure and stuck for words. Sounds silly, but I didn't know what to do!

I decided to go with the ring, I hadn't seen anything similar within our budget, but I still felt a little unsure if I'd made the right decision.

I love the fact my Boyfriend likes it, and it is what it means that matters. I love the ring in one way, it's simple, pretty and delicate, but in another I'm not 100% happy with it. We had a few problems with the jewellers and that made the situation very upsetting. I'm not one for big diamonds, but when I look down I can't help but feel it's a little small and you can hardly see I'm engaged!

I've had it sized but it still feels quite large, it spins around and feels uncomfortably loose. The shank is very thin, and I suppose I feel it looks and feels a little 'lost' on my finger. It doesn't really feel 100% part of me, and I hoped that when I found my ring I'd have fallen in love with it an knew it was 'the one'.

When it catches the light it's really pretty, but it isn't what I'd expected, when I look down I feel a little disappointed. That sounds awful. I'm not ungrateful or anything and haven't said anything to my boyfriend, I feel awful as he saved up and to us it's a lot of money for a piece of jewellery.

I feel terrible for feeling this way, but I'm feeling 50/50 about it and not sure what I'm meant to do. I don't expect to swap it for something else, that would really hurt my boyfriend, it seems a little irrational!

Sorry if this is so long and doesn't make much sense. I just wonder if other women feel this way? I don't hate it, it's pretty, but it doesn't take my breath away. I just wish I'd have listened to my heart and carried on looking! It isn't the end of the world, but it's still my engagement ring.

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Thank you so much!
by: Anonymous

Thank you so much, that is so beautiful. You've made me put things into perspective and I think sometimes you can get swept away on a fairy tale dream that in reality it isn't about that. I knew that anyway, but from your reassurance I feel so much happier. Thank you once again.

Don't Worry. Be Happy...
by: The Engagement Experts Team

You fear you are ungrateful—but you are actually one of the most grateful and thoughtful fiancee's we've heard from.

You started off your email to us with the amazingly romantic story of your being charmed by his proposing with costume jewelry. Hard to live up to!

The ring you're wearing is a true representation of your relationship—special, personal, and hopefully lovely enough to wear every day but the REAL engagement ring is actually the costume piece that he proposed with and that you will keep in a special box in your home and in your heart.

Instead of focusing on what your ring isn't—focus on what your ring is: Lifelong memories of you and your fiance walking blocks and blocks, talking, laughing, chatting with and meeting lots of interesting people—spending weeks on what may have sometimes seemed like a chore but was actually a labor of love.

You wrote in detail about how you were feeling and about the personalities of those you met, then you finally saw an engagement ring that stood out for you and you watched your fiancé's eyes light up at your reaction.

It's yours now—treat it well and take it off when you do the dishes—trust us it'll start feeling funny when it's off your finger. Hopefully each time you glance at it you will think of the amazing journey you have in front of you.

So you worry that it isn't big enough. Big enough for who? The cashier at the grocery? A waiter? There's a saying—the only person you impress with a fancy car is the valet parker. Your friends & family know that your fiance loves you and that you love him and the ring symbolizes your commitment. And that commitment allows you to build a future together and one day, maybe, buy all the jewelry your heart desires—even then, when you look at either the costume piece and your present engagement ring they will both mean more to you than the Hope Diamond.

Our best advice—look down at your ring often, and smile. When you see your fiance and future husband, look into his eyes, and smile bigger.

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