Hope To Make It A Surprise

by Scott H.
(Long Island, NY)

I think my girlfriend knows I am going to ask her to marry me soon, but I want it to be a surprise. So I can't take her to a nice restaurant, or anything corny, because she will know somethings up, we are pretty casual people.

Do you have any ideas on how I can surprise her? I thought about having a BBQ this summer and asking her in front of our friends but I don't want to embarrass her. Do girls like this kind of proposal?

Also, I haven't bought an engagement ring because I am not sure what she would like. I was hoping the store would exchange it if she hates it, is that normal policy?

Thanks for your help, I thought this would be easier.

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Hope To Make It A Surprise

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A Proposal Planner
by: TheHeartBandits

I am a Proposal Planner so I can definitely help here. First of all, "surprises" are overrated. To be honest, most women like anticipation in their proposal. They LOVE to feel that exciting feeling like, is this it? Is this the moment? So don't let that discourage you from taking her somewhere to propose.

As far as the BBQ in front of family I would advise against it. Proposals really should be intimate and just about the two of you. Save the family for the celebration after the proposal.

Some places will take back an engagement ring. Just make sure to get the policy from the store you get the ring from first. www.theheartbandits.com

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Surprise Proposals Can Sometimes Backfire
by: The Engagement Experts

Surprises can be great but they can also cause embarrassment and anger. The trick to making a surprise (and especially one that involves a marriage proposal) a success, is really knowing and understanding the personality of the targeted individual.

If you "think" that your girlfriend might be embarrassed by a public proposal, you have to consider why you think that. Is it because you would be embarrassed by one? Is it because she is shy in front of strangers? Is she very comfortable (and likes to be the center of attention) when it comes to close friends and family?

Your answer to any of these questions will help you figure out which way to go.

The most important thing to remember is her personality and how comfortable she will be. Make sure that whatever you plan is coming from your heart and your honest belief in what she would want/love when you drop down on one knee and ask the question that she's been waiting for since she was a little girl.

Don't let ego or any other agenda of yours, hers, or friends, have any influence on how you want to propose and what would be right for the two of you.

If you carefully think through all the angles we're confident that your proposal (surprise or not) will be a success.

Unfortunately, without knowing your girlfriend of any details about her we can't offer you any suggestions.

As for the engagement ring, many stores will let you exchange rings, upgrade, etc... However, it's important that you really try and figure out what kind of ring she'd like.

Make sure that you put lots of effort into it and read our pages on figuring out her engagement ring style.

Girls care as much about the effort made in choosing a ring as they do about the ring itself--just read some of the other questions and comments here--you'll quickly realize that for many, the effort put into the whole proposal (including the selection of the engagement ring) is seen as a reflection of his love and a measure of how much he wants to marry you.

P.S. Bridget's idea about having the party on a holiday weekend is a brilliant! Thanks Bridget.

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It's easier than you think!
by: Bridget

If we girls make you guys nervous - sorry! I for one, was so excited when my husband surprised me. I know it must be a lot of pressure, but it meant more to me knowing that he made a plan, and invited people and bought a cake and all.

This was 8 years and 2 kids ago, and it still is one of the happiest memories for me. I actually had no idea he was going to do it that day, even though we had discussed marriage (but always down the road!).

Here's my advice: Pick a holiday to have a bbq, like Memorial day or July 4th - that way, it won't be suspicious that you are having a random party. Also, to be honest, it will give you a break, because you will always be able to remember the date:)

And I loved having all of our friends there - turned the whole bbq into an engagement party. The only thing he forgot was to invite my parents, so you might want to make a note to include them if they live in your city.

And regarding the ring, he bought mine, and it was too big (sweet man). When I went in to have it sized, the salesman told me that I could exchange it for another style if I wanted to. I didn't, it's a great ring. I guess overall, my husband has pretty good taste.

Good luck!!

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