Groom's Family Holds Private Engagement Party to Celebrate Couple
My husband and I have four daughters - youngest about to be married. We gave beautiful happy and memorable weddings to first three. We expect the 4th daughter's to be the same. But we are strong on tradition - and followed all traditional planning for our daughters - with never an objection or challenge from anyone - all families included.
Our youngest daughter expressed a desire to have an engagement party in her and the groom's honor - we never said NO, but did explain that none of the others (daughters) expected or requested one. It just wasn't important or necessary for them. We told her that we would think about it and decide how, who, when, etc.
I then got a very nice phone call from the groom's mother sharing the congratulations and excitement over our children's engagement, and she tells me that our daughter discussed her interest in this engagement party with her - and maybe we can have it at their home! I didn't know what to say - just that I would talk to my daughter and we would decide on making plans - but never committing to anything.
I told my daughter I was disappointed that she would speak with her future mother-in-law first without talking with me about a party, and that tradition holds that the bride's parents host and plan this event. So....after seeing I wasn't too pleased, we decided to put off the idea - think about it in due time - but making sure she knew I agreed that it would be a good opportunity to get the immediate families for a get-together.
Consequently, the groom told his Mother to back off and leave well enough alone. Turns out - Mom of the Bride finds out 'by accident' that the groom's family did indeed have a private dinner party of their own, celebrating the engagement, with substantial gifts given, and all unbeknownst to Mom and Dad.
So here I stand, feeling that his family was a bit intentional with their actions - giving this party and keeping it quiet.
I feel I have let my daughter down by not holding one in the beginning and they pretty much threw this whole idea 'in our face', i.e., if you won't, then we will.
On top of that, as tradition - and affordability go - Mom and Dad are once again giving a beautiful reception as a gift to our daughter - and have decided on a maximum # of guests on both sides, and we hear that the grandmother of the groom is annoyed that we dropped their 80 guest count to 65 - same as the bride's family. Wow - what a way to start out.
Wondered if I am justified in feeling a little annoyed here. And where do we go from here?
My husband and I are paying and plan on staying firm with guest counts. I feel badly that this woman put my daughter on the spot entirely when she showed her disagreement. I am kind of p'od!!!