Engagement Party Etiquette & Protocol

Engagement party etiquette has changed significantly over the years. The protocol used to be that the bride's family would host an engagement party to celebrate the event and invite family and friends. Today, it is perfectly acceptable for anyone to host an engagement party, even a group of people who can then share the expenses and organizational tasks.

Although it is not proper etiquette for the bride- and groom-to-be to throw themselves a party, it is becoming more commonplace since many couples feel that the financial burden of the party (as with the wedding itself) should be their responsibility and newly engaged couples are generally much older today than they used to be. Whether or not they actually HOST the party or just incur the expense is at their discretion and is often decided upon for practical reasons rather than traditional ones.

Traditionally, the party was held between 30 and 90 days from the actual engagement and, always, at least 6 months before the wedding date. Keep in mind that a party is not a requirement nor has it ever been.

In terms of guests, engagement party etiquette required that both families be invited so that they may mingle and get to know each other in a social setting, as well as, close family friends.

Engagement party protocol states that only those who will definitely be invited to the wedding are invited to an engagement party and that it is very bad form to do otherwise. Traditionally, this meant that the engagement party guest list could come close to the numbers of the wedding itself or was limited to just close family and very close friends.

Traditional engagement parties that followed both etiquette and protocol were quite formal—they were almost like mini weddings.

Invitations were professionally printed with RSVP cards and all. The bride's father would make a formal engagement party toast early in the evening which would be followed by a response from the groom where he then toasts his fiancée and her family. Then, the floor would open for anyone who would like to raise a glass to the couple and their families.

Today, you can still go that route, however it's also perfectly acceptable to have a casual get together with a fun and more relaxed environment. For most, much of the formality has been dropped and engagement parties can be any type of celebration with different themes, engagement party games, and even party favors.

We also have some articles on engagement party ideas that discuss venues and color schemes and some engagement party themes that might be of interest and a step-by-step walk-through of a Hollywood themed engagement party that shows you how to work with themes.

Finally we offer some valuable tips on figuring out the flowers for an engagement party.

Regardless of how casual or formal you go, engagement party etiquette requires that the party invitations be mailed 4 to 5 weeks prior to the event. This gives everyone time to enter the date in their calendars and shift anything they may need to in order to attend, after all this still is a celebration of your upcoming nuptials.

In terms of gifts, engagement presents are not required and not part of traditional protocol since the same guests will be invited to the wedding where gifts are expected.

However, close friends and family may choose to do so and it is at their complete discretion. If some do bring gifts, proper engagement party etiquette dictates that you don't make them part of the celebration or put them on display. Discretely put them aside and open them in private after the guests have left.... and don't forget those 'Thank You' cards!

Today, although there still aren't any hard rules, the presumption is that if it is an intimate gathering to celebrate an engagement and includes only very close friends and family that gifts may be brought but is still by no means any sort of requirement.

Most often, people choose to bring a hostess gift or send flowers. Flowers help the host or hostess make the place look more celebratory while alleviating some of the cost burden on them.  Others send flowers to the newly engaged couple and some do both. It's really up to them and there is no right or wrong here.

If you do decide to send something, we particularly like Flora2000 for flowers and gifts. They ship worldwide and have more European style and flair than most online retailers. They also have some special designer arrangements that really make a statement. They often have sales and internet specials so be sure to check those out if you're interested.

Like we've said throughout the site, your engagement is all about you and your style as a couple. So know and understand engagement party etiquette and take what you want from it, but in the end, do what feels right for the both of you!