Engagement Assistance Regarding a Deceased Father

by Tim
(Tenn )

Hi my name is Tim and I'm 24 years old. My beautiful girlfriend, who I have known since high school is 23, and I couldn't be happier.

She is the love of my life, my girl, my sweetness! She's seriously something. We have been dating about a year now, but we had history in the past. We are crazy about one another!

Seriously it's crazy! Recently, her father past due to cancer, a rough 5 year battle. I wasn't given the opportunity to ask him for permission, it was something Tara and I wanted. We're old school like that. I know he would have said yes, no doubt, and she knows it too.

I have the perfect idea to propose, I'm getting things ready, still in the beginning stages, but I thought of this and need your help.

I want to somehow in the proposal remember her dad in someway. I'm not sure how to do this or if I should. Or if I should just make it for the engagement party. Just wondering if it's a good idea! Please help! Thank you!

Advice from the Engagement Experts

We think it's wonderful that you've thought about this and are concerned about when and how to acknowledge her deceased father.

In the end, only you can decide but here are our thoughts.

Getting her father's blessing happens before the proposal not during it, so the actual proposal is really about the two of you and your future together, and we think you should keep it that way.

However, after you propose and a few minutes pass, why not mention to her how sorry you are to not have spoken with her Dad and gotten his permission to ask for her hand in marriage. Then let her know that since he was not around prior to the proposal you intend to include him after and want to pay tribute to him at the engagement party and even the wedding.

Since you're both sure he would be pleased about your union, it would be nice to acknowledge him at both events.

Depending on her personality, you can plan doing something personal or private like giving her a locket with a picture of him or the three of you inside, which can be attached to her bouquet--so in essence he walks her down the aisle.

You can honor him in a speech, keep a place setting for him at the head table...there are just so many ways to incorporate his spirit into the festivities

Read our response to a similar type of question on
paying tribute to a deceased parent and be sure to look at the comments too--there is a great link in them for honoring parents by our friend Chandra.

Good luck and if you have a chance let us know what you came up with for the proposal and her dad.....and Congratulations!!!

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